Good afternoon children, and welcome back to Granddaddy Molly and his funky grandsons' bouncy castle, steakhouse, slash storytelling nook saloon
Today, we got a special guest with us. As a proud subsidiary of Papa Molly incorporated, we got the CEO herself to come swing on by and tell you a tale

Steppin' on the block, bouta take off on a stroll
Working, living, breathing really takes its toll
Was waiting at the red hand when I looked down and spotted
That my lil shoelaces had got themselves unknotted
No time; got the signal for the walking man
Ten million things on my brain already tryna understand
Took off on the street, laces trailing behind
Passin' cars barely waiting, sittin' growlin' in their lines
Then there was a dude; man course it was a dude
He said, "Girl might wanna take a look down at your shoes"
Muthafucka yes, bitch, I know
It my own size 9 fuckin foot you hoe
You think I'm a lil lady with her head up in the clouds
No these streets are cold, our eyes look down
Down at the shit and the needles on the street
Bitch I suggest you keep your eyes to yourself before you catch Hep C
Yes, please, step your pussy off of me
Congratulations on checking off your morning good deed
You saved my life, I could've tripped and fell
Satan grabs me by the aglets and drags me down to hell
Laces caught around a gutter, flattened by a falling rock
Mama's wishing at my funeral I'd just worn crocs
Thank God for our everyday heroes
Man at 8 am drinking Coke fuckin zero
He's got a heart of gold and eyes like a hawk
And likes stopping random fuckers when they on the crosswalk
10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5
But wait, gotta stop her cuz her shoe's untied
Oh miss, ma'am, excuse me, but it looks like your shoe's, your shoe's
Yes bitch I know
What the fuck
I already know
Use my laces to lasso you to Guangzhou
Want me to drop right here and fucking stop traffic
Is strangers tying shoes to you somehow pornographic
Beep beepity-beep! Honk honkity-honk
But y'all, my shoe's untied, I can't possibly walk
Thanks to this kind stranger for letting me know
'Cuz I can't see past my own fuckin collarbone
So I'm lookin up at him fuckin wanna just slaughta
And he's lookin down at me like he's got the stigmata
I hate this goddam muthafukin society
Where doing fake-good deeds is somehow piety
So here's how it ends, despite my desire to attack
And no, y'all ain't gettin these past two minutes back
Cuz this world is basic, this world is fake
Gotta pretend like you're touched by a stranger's hot take
And I know I'm a bitch, and I know it doesn't matter
And the longer that I talk this only gets sadder
But I am this extra, let the whole world know
That there's no tiny little detail I won't stop and roast

But I gotta move on, right? So at the end of the day, I just around and I say, John drumroll please
Oh hey, thanks